Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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