I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
