The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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