As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
