You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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