Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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