Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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