he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
