I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
