So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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