i may or may not be watching the land before time
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
