she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You took a bar mat shot.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
