I can text with my tongue
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She's the barista slut.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
