So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
