I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
