no, he came in my armpit
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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