They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
