....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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