Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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