She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
