and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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