remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
