Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
