at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
