Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
