Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
