good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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