Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
