he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
