Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
