Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Randomize
