I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
