I am in a vortex of obligation.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
