Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
my sisters under your porch take her home
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
