I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
