She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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