can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
