he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
