why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
