garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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