I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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