Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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