what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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