thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
