You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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