just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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