i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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