She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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