My room smells like vodka and shame
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
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I faked an abortion last night.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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