After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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