I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize