Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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