And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
