he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize