Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
