Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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