a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
