I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
