oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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