she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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