I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize