You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We are all done wearing pants today
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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