when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
