i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
