there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
