No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
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She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
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I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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