i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
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We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
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Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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